Dear Baby

 

To my baby that wasn't meant to be...

I will never know your face

I will never hold your hand

I will never wipe your tears

You will never call me mum.

I will never know the colour of your hair.

I will never smell your sweet baby breath

I will never wrap you in that blanket.

I will never bring you home.

But you will forever be in my heart.

 

{On the 17th December 2013 I went for my 13 week scan for my fifth pregnancy, and was told there was no heartbeat, my baby had died at around 11 1/2 weeks. I was in absolute shock, I hadn't had any sign that I was miscarrying, or that anything was wrong.  In disbelief, I rang my husband who was away working. He came home a few hours later, and we sat in shock for the afternoon until the girls arrived home from school and the boys home from daycare.

The next day I had a d&c and I cried for the next week. The hardest part was having to tell our children the sad news, when we had only told them a few days earlier that they were going to have a new brother or sister to love.

It's been a long road to now, but I have had some closure in the last few weeks after learning that I had a partial molar pregnancy, which was the cause of my missed miscarriage. Knowing why has strangely helped me to break through that wall of grief, and understand why my body has been behaving this way.

It's now the waiting to try again that is hard. I'm waiting for my body to recover, but my heart longs for a baby. And I am the most impatient person ever! It seems there are new babies and pregnant mums everywhere, and I want so much to be where they are. Being creative is a great outlet for me at the moment, I just can't help bookmarking baby things to knit and sew! All in good time I guess...}

 

I'd love to hear from anyone who has been in this situation, it's always good to know you're not alone, and to learn from others' experiences. Happy weekending :)

 

Kelly x